This Hour Has 22 Minutes

• This Hour Has 22 Minutes is a satirical examination of daily events. Some viewers may not share this sense of humour. [Opening of every episode of the series except Season 1]

• Pay no attention to the previous warning! This Hour Has 22 Minutes is an accurate examination of daily events! It is the real news! [Opening of the second episode to bear the warning, 1994.]

• We demand that the government of Canada force Stockwell Day to change his first name to Doris. Why do this, you may ask? Because it'll be fun. - Rick Mercer, 2000

• [on the territorial government's refusal to legalize same-sex unions] This news has sent shockwaves through the gay community of the Northwest Territories. We go to him now. - Mary Walsh

• Jackie Biskupski is running for a seat in the Utah Legislature, and she's attracting a lot of attention because she's a lesbian. Her Republican opponent, Dan Alderson, is a staunch Mormon, and is running a negative ad campaign calling her lifestyle abnormal and deviant. His six wives agree. - Rick Mercer

• The US is our ally, our trading partner, our neighbour, and our friend, and sometimes we'd like to give them such a smack. - Rick Mercer

• [on the US and Canada] We're bigger, and we're on top. If this was prison, they would be our bitch. - Rick Mercer

• WANRING: To Stephen Harper! You realize you'll have to sit next to Elsie Wayne, right? - Mark Critch, 2003

• They're out there now, busy bombing for peace. Next I suppose they'll be screwing to get their virginity back. - Marg Delahunty (Mary Walsh)

• "If the United States were a 35-year-old man, I think he'd be in a mental institution. Violent tendencies... delusions of grandeur... medicate heavily." - Rick Mercer