Life

• "Live to love life, and love to live life" - Sammy Gouti

• "It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy ... Let's go exploring!" -- Calvin, It's a Magical World

• "If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads." -- Anatole France

• "Two men look out through the same bars:
  One sees the mud, and one the stars."
  • -- Frederick Langbridge, 'A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts'

• Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me. -- Carl Sandburg

• "Everybody has their moment of great opportunity in life. If you happen to miss the one you care about, everything else in life becomes eerily easy." -- Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

• "We are born with two incurable diseases, life, from which we die, and hope, which says maybe death isn't the end." -- Andrew Greeley

• "I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life." -- Jean Giraudoux, Amphitryon

• "While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die." -- Leonardo Da Vinci

• "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."

• "Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them."

• "Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret."

• "If you're careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you."

• "Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment." -- Dag Hammarskjold

• "If man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live." -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

• "So many people tiptoe through life, so carefully, to arrive, safely, at death"

• "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." -- Gilda Radner

• "The Road goes ever on and on,
  Down from the door where it began.
  Now far ahead the road has gone,
  And I must follow, if I can,
  Pursuing it with eager feet,
  Until it joins some larger way
  Where many paths and errands meet.
  And wither then? I cannot say."
  • -- Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit (?) by J. R. R. Tolkien

• "'Sartor Resartus' is simply unreadable, and for me that always sort of spoils a book." - Will Cuppy

• "Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons." - Will Cuppy

• "Etiquette is behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential." - Will Cuppy

Table of contents

1 Inspiring 2 Life as a form of Death 3 Silly

Inspiring

• "Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau

• "Opportunity is missed by most people because it's dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison

Silly

• "Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it." - Dave Barry

• "Life is too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

• "All I want from Life is to get out alive..." - Anonymous

• "Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up." - Jack Handy

• "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Barbara Bush

• "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis." - Jack Handy

• "Eagles may soar, but weasles dont get sucked into jet engines."

• "Ever since I was a kid, I've always been a real deep thinker and stuff" - Billy Ray Cyrus

• "Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it..."

• "Hush. For we are going to stay buried here in this tomb together for a very, very long time, so hug me!" Juan RUFLO

• "I'd rather be rich than stupid." - Jack Handy

• "I am waiting for a sign that will indicate to me what meaning I must give to my life, but right now my existence is satisfactory." - Lucy Lawless

• "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." - Woody Allen

• "Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." - Woody Allen

• "I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas." - Jack Handy

• "I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad." - Jack Handy

• "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'" - Jack Handy

• "If our brains were simple enough to be understood; we'd be so simple that we couldn't."

• "If you are keeping your head while others around you are losing theirs, perhaps you've misunderstood the whole situation."

• "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy." - Jack Handy

• "If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, 'I swallowed it. So sue me.'" - Jack Handy

• "If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you." - Dick Cavett

• "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings." - Dan Cook

• "It ain't over till it's over." - Yogi Berra

• "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man." - Jack Handy

• "Labels are for cans, not people." - Anthony Rapp

• "Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 'Mankind'. Basically, it's made up of two separate words - 'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind." - Jack Handy

• "Once you have pulled the pin from Mr Grenade, he is no longer your friend."

• "Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick." - Jack Handy

• "Reality is a term for people who refuse to see things as they can be, so that they might be, instead seeing things as they are, and lazily assuming that's how they'll always be." - Walter White

• "Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." - Jack Handy

• "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory there isn't any."

• "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." - Jon Hammond

• "The Human Brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public!" - Sir George Jessel

• "The real world: no time to do it right, but always time to do it over." - Rex Jaeschke

• "There are two kinds of fool. One says, 'This is old, and therefore good.' And one says, 'This is new, and therefore better.'" - Dean Inge

• "To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." - Jack Handy

• "We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me." - Jack Handy