Anonymous

• "If the left half of the brain controls the right hand, and the right half the left, than left-handed people are the only ones in their right minds."

• "Pray for what you want. Work for what you need."

• "War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left."

• "Procrastinate later."

• "Blonde is not a hair color, it is a state of mind."

• "Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

• "You can agree to disagree on politics or even religion sometimes but you either kill people or you don't. Homicide is not something you can be neutral on." -Anita Blake (fictional character from a book series by L.K. Hamilton)

• "I have a great love for humanity, it's the people that bother me." - Linus

• "A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..."

• "An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; a pessimist fears this is true."
  • Is actually, "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true," by James B. Cabell

• "Anyone who thinks this is black and white has not read up on the subject."

• "But Grace, then anyone will be able to write programs!"
  • Said to Grace Hopper regarding COBOL

• "'Can of worms?' The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
  • Said by Brian Wood to Stefan Lasiewski as he feverishly tried to keep IGC.org (an early Internet nonprofit organization) from going under.

• "Comedy is tragedy plus time".
  • NOTE: This was said by Steve Allen originally some decades ago, and if memory serves it also appears in his published book _How To Be Funny_. However, multiple online references attribute this quote to Carol Burnett. I don't know which one said it first or if they both came up with it separately. ( - ZachsMind)

• "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

• "Don't take life too seriously: it isn't permanent."

• "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."

• "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."
  • source: Tom Waits

• "If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', what is the opposite of 'progress'?"
  • Possibly by Mark Twain.

• "In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present."

• "In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said 'Let There Be Light!' And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it."

• "In the entire history of the world, nobody ever washed a rented car."

• "It's been a long week today."

• "It's what's not there that makes what's there what it is." - Welsh band Catatonia

• "Karma spares no one."

• "Less is more." Source: Architect Mies Van der Rohe

• "Life is in the vacation from the eternity of non-existence. Enjoy it."

• "Nature is neither cruel, nor friendly. It's sheer indifferent."

• "Nine women cannot deliver a baby in one month"
  • Frederick P. Brooks from his book
  • Wasn't it Wernher von Braun?

• "Old lawyers never die - they just lose their appeal"
  • This appeared on a mug belonging to John Mortimer

• "Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur."
  • "Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound."
  • Source: "vide dice impera" by D. Granosalis et al.

• "Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand."
  • Appeared in "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal", but may or may not have been in existence beforehand.

• "Realists are just pessimists looking for an excuse for themselves"

• "Repeat after me, we are all individuals."
  • Source: this is a derivative of a line spoken by as the character Brian in . Brian is talking to a crowd of people who mistakenly believe he is the Messiah and are repeating everything he says. Brian says "...You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals!" then the crowd shouts "Yes! We're all individuals!" (This may not be the original source of this quote.)
  • Steve Martin also used a derivative of this phrase in his stand up comedy routine back in the 1970s. It was part of some oath he asked the audience to recite with him. There was also something about being obsequious and clairovoyant. Flypaper of the mind, I know. (~ZachsMind)

• " "Right" or "Wrong" is always depend on the context"

• "Should and is are two different things."

• "Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak."

• "Some people can carry a tune, and others just drag it behind them in the dirt."

• "Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma."

• "Temptation is seen from a distance never near."

• "The best defense against logic is ignorance."

• "There are only 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't."
  • "10" in binary represents the number 2.
  • Source: Bash.org
  • Now a T-shirt at thinkgeek.com

• "There are only 10 types of people in the world; those who understand trinary, those who don't and those who misstake it for binary."
  • "10" in trinary represents the number 3.

• "The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure."

• "Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever."
  • The anonymity of the author is probably an intentional joke.
  • Another possibility is that this was not a wise saying...

• "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture."
  • Note: This has been attributed to Elvis Costello, Laurie Anderson, Thelonius Monk, Frank Zappa and Steve Martin, but the actual author remains unknown.
  • Sometimes cited as "Talking about architecture...".

• "Anarchy, n. Other peoples freedom."

• "Never look down on anyone unless you're helping him up."

• "Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be."

• "No one's perfect, well there was this one guy, but we killed him."

• "All people need three things: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."

• "The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The thirsty person doesn't care and the blind person doesn't see the glass at all. Which one are you?"

• "They may not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel."

• "People in your life will come and go like the ocean tides, but few will leave such an imprint on your soul that it can not be washed away."

• "There are three types of people in this world: the ones who keep you alive, the ones who would otherwise cause you to die, and the ones who somehow manage to do both at the same time."

• "Sometimes, no matter how much you do, or how much you try, someone will not understand how much you've done until you're gone and they have no one left who actually cares about them, who can look out for them, and who will understand."

• "I don't need your attitude , I have one of my own!"

• "I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before!"
  • Sounds like Steven Wright

• "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

• "By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."

• "It's mind over matter. You don't mind, it don't matter."

• "I'm on top of the world and afraid of heights."

• "People say I shouldn't frown because it uses more muscles than smiling. Then I point out that Americans need their exercise."

• "Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun."

• "Have a nice day, somewhere else."

• "I used to think I was indecisive. . . but now I'm not so sure."

• "Violence is not the answer, however it is a pretty good guess."

• "Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."

• "The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average guy can see better than he can think."

• "EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation."

• "If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what loser came up with quit while your ahead?"

• "Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind."

• "We forget all too soon forget the things we thought we could never forget."

• "The things we remember best are those better forgotten."

• "It's hard to answer what's wrong... when nothing is right."

• "You ever feel like the world's a giant game of musical chairs and the music has stopped and we're the only ones without chairs?"

• "How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today?"

• "You have such a pretty smile ... it's a shame the things you hide behind it."

• "When have you proved yourself? When have you done enough? How many practices? How many games? How many championships? How many bus rides? How far do you have to go? And when do you know you're there?"

• "The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion when no one else is watching."

• "If you cannot win, make the one ahead of you break the record."

• "Why are teenagers trying to find ways to kill themselves while the elderly are trying to find ways to live longer?"

• "If you can't appreciate it, You don't deserve it."

• "Never mess up an apology with an excuse."

• "I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it."

• "The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire"
  • Helicopter Pilot Wisdom

• "Three snows upon the crocuses ere the Winter will be gone"
  • This saying was either taken from or incorportated into a Lake Erie-area folk song about the arrival of spring.

• "I think, therefore I am wrong."

• "Reality is a poor substitute for my dreams."

• "It is not ignorance that is the problem, but the illusion of knowledge."

• "The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime...at night."

• "'Make me one with everything!' said the Buddhist to the hotdog vendor."

• "Laziness is the driving force of the progress"

• "Emus don't eat cake!"
  • Heard in a Safari Park.

• "I'm not as think as you drunk I am"

• "Starkle starkle little twink, I am not as drunk as some tinkle peep I am."